This week has represented a huge change. I've made a major shift from...
avoid. avoid. avoid. avoid.
For the past 18 months or more, I've been avoiding doing something that I actually really want to do - but has felt too scary, too vulnerable: video.
The reality is, that the very few video pieces I had out in the world have had a big impact on people near and far, and that's something I believe in. I believe in telling my story so that others can see themselves in it. Can relate. Can understand that we all have fear. We all wonder if we're good enough. We all go through the same things and if we shared our experiences more, maybe we'd all really believe that we're not alone.
But, I have been avoiding. I've had the camcorder, the tripod, the list of topics and the good intentions. At one point, somewhat under personal duress, I recorded around 10 videos... shortly after the hard drive on my laptop crashed and my un-backed-up videos were lost. The idea of starting over was too much. I couldn't bring myself to do it. So I put the camcorder away and avoided. And avoided. And avoided some more.
But recently I approached a turning point. I knew I had to decide.... was I going to do the YouTube/Video thing - or wasn't I? I made the decision and, the very next day, the camcorder went with me to the studio for my first attempt at filming myself.
And, surprisingly, something changed. This time, I felt ready.... terrified beyond belief, but ready.
I started out just playing with stuff that came to the top of my head. And in that process, my first video was borne - one talking about vulnerability.
Because, let's face it - those first couple videos are the most vulnerable points in my own life.
Putting myself on display has always been hard for me. I've gotten used to the idea of being "on display" as a Yoga teacher. It helps to be so very passionate about what I do and the message I offer. But allowing myself to be analyzed, watched, commented on, and picked apart by total strangers? It doesn't get any scarier. I'm already picturing hundreds of hateful comments in my head and wondering how I will react as strangers pass judgement on my physical body or on my work.
But in reality, those haters have always been there. And in between and around them, are people that need to see more representation in the world... people, young and old and everything in between who need to KNOW that they are good enough exactly as they are. People like me. People like you. People who want to see that it's okay to inhabit the space your physical and energetic self takes up in this world, proudly. People who can say out loud "I'm enough, as I am."
And in order to do that, I gotta be vulnerable. So, not to get all meta on you or anything - but my first video in my new Yoga Bytes series is about VULNERABILITY because I've decided I'm gonna ROCK my vulnerability. How about you rock yours, too? ;) If you're committed, click to tweet it out! <3
Yoga Bytes that follow will range from talking about that tricky Low Lunge transition or better alignment in Downward Facing Dog to opening up about why I call myself The Fat Yogini, and sharing my thoughts on fear and life and why I am so passionate about this work.
You can watch these videos in multiple places. If you want to comment on and interact with me about the video, then you'll want to watch the video on YouTube (shown below). If you click the YouTube button on the video itself, it will take you to YouTube where you can give the video a thumbs-up (please do!), leave a supportive comment or ask a question (I'll respond!), or subscribe to my YouTube channel.
I am also hosting these videos, called Yoga Bytes, on my studio website. So to watch them there, just click here. And I'll be sharing on Facebook as well if you follow me there.
And so now, without further adieu.....