Insecurity

Photo Credit: My Camcorder by ikkio

Isn't it odd how one can get hit by the biggest wave of insecurity ever - just when things are actually going pretty well?

I never in a million years thought I would be a Yoga teacher one day. I also never thought I would own my own business (me? an entrepenur? no way!). Yet, here I am.

I'm living my dream! And doing that makes me so happy and grateful.

But it also is difficult beyond measure. Not only am I putting myself very much on display for the world (especially now that I'm getting ready to start filming stuff for YouTube), but I am also very aware that I could totally fail at this!  And I'm sure if there's one thing all entrepreneurs, teachers, and coaches have in common it is the fear of failure.

I've struggled with insecurity a lot over the years. And no matter how confident I think I am about Yoga and teaching Yoga, this work still challenges me deeply. 

When I stumbled across this Steve Furtick quote last week, it immediately became the theme of my classes. It's so true, isn't it? We do compare all the little details and mis-steps and out-takes of our own life with the stuff other people present to the world! And all the while we forget that each person has their own out-takes and bloopers and behind-the-scenes stuff that we don't get to see.

It's really not fair, is it?

This is where comparison always gets super sticky. Because comparison is never real. It's easy for me to look at other Yoga teachers and feel like I must be doing something wrong - because what I do as a Yoga teacher is SO different! There are a few other Yoga teachers in the world doing the type of work I choose to do but even among us there are many differences. There really is no road-map. And, in a way, that's exciting and glorious because I can pave my own way. But the part of me that craves security finds that kind of terrifying.

A recent example of this is my retreat planning. You see, I had it in my head that I had a rather ambitious goal to plan my first Yoga retreat for the summer/early fall of 2014. I thought that was an aggressive goal since most Yoga teachers wait several years before offering their first retreat. But, when I mentioned to my Sunday morning students, in passing, that I was hoping to do a retreat next year - one boldly inquired, "Why not this year?".

I think my jaw must have hit the floor. I'm pretty sure I sputtered. It was not a graceful moment y'all. Especially when other students chimed in excitedly about the idea of a retreat THIS year.

But it really was awesome in an epic kind of way. My students want a retreat this year, not next year. I was holding back - afraid to rush things, but they were ready. Who knew??

It's because of that conversation that I just took a major leap of faith and put down a (rather large) deposit on a property for my first ever Body Positivity Yoga Retreat for THIS September. (FYI - I'll totally be linking that to my retreat page once the details are up, hopefully later this morning).

But I digress.

The point, here, is that it really comes down to remembering that what each of us has to offer the world is so different that comparing ourselves to others is really rather futile. We each have gifts. We each have fears. We each have our own things we struggle with in our lives - and we each have our own dreams. What purpose is truly served by comparing?

For myself, this is a work in progress. But I'm learning, slowly, that being wildly and boldly myself no matter what others are doing is one of the best things I can do for my own well being. What about you?

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