What do you need?

I found myself thinking about this question today - What do you need?

It would be easy to rattle off a list of needs, without thinking about the question. Isn't that what we do, when we contemplate this idea? Money, gadgets, time, reassurance, things that we are convinced will improve our self-esteem or make life easier for us.

But when we pause, and really contemplate the question, we are suddenly in the position to first define "need" and determine what that means for us, personally.

Lately, I"ve been feeling like I have an overwhelmingly large list of things I "need to do" and things I "need" to make it easier to do them: more money (to make everything easier), more time to be undisturbed to allow me to focus on things I need to do to accomplish my goals, more focus so that I can use that time wisely when I get it, more energy and activity, more motivation...

But then I stopped and asked myself.... What do you want?

Because, let's face it, if what we want - moment to moment or day to day - is not in line with our perceived needs, we're going to end up not getting what we want OR what we need. And I suppose that's where I've been the last few weeks.

I'm telling myself all the things that I need in order to do what I think I need to do - when, meanwhile, what I actually want in this moment is to be gentle, move slowly, take my time, relax, and not feel pressured to move too fast. I need time to digest and marinate in the work I've been doing. 

So I tuned into this mindset and looked at what I want, versus what I think I need, and discovered that what I need right now - what is best for me is to listen to myself with awareness, trust in my body and in my work to lead me where I need to be, and to stop trying so hard to micromanage the process.

It is difficult but necessary to allow myself the freedom to make peace iwth these choices so that I am not at odds with myself. In doing that, I need to commit to keep an eye on this as it shifts and changes naturally so that I am ready to transition to a more active process when the time comes.

Life, as it so happens, moves in a cyclical manner, and so what I need most, what supports me and my process most is allowing myself to ride the wheel without self-judgement.